Here we are, living in the wilderness of Bear Mountain, about one mile from civilisation and the stress that comes with it. Surviving in these surroundings takes skill and perseverance. We are committed and we will adapt to our new life.
Thankfully we have the necessary means to survive; over-sized SUV (4×4 of course), Apple gadgets, 8 garden machines, misc. KitchenAid appliances and plenty of popcorn.
Cone on wilderness! We can take you!
Or so we thought.
My lovely South American flower called me at work, in a frantic state, bursting out she had found a skeleton. More specifically, a human skull. She demanded that I returned to our Casa del Muerte to inspect the remains of this unfortunate soul.
Strangely, all while looking to buy the house, and throughout the many visits, we never actually met the wife. So, the remains could be that of his missing wife!?
Instead of calling Grissom and Co., she decided to call the local Sheriff Coltrane to inspect the remains. What if the killer was still at large and maybe this was a living dead scenario. She simply had to get this crime of the century solved.
Not too sure how I could help with cleaning up a crime scene in our little forest. I would either get attacked by a bear or Bambi, pee my pants and then man-handled by a skunk.
Anyway, our amazing trooper quickly arrived to inspect the crime scene, only to discover that the actual skull was the remains of Bambi’s relative. Nothing on the cranium, beside a few teeth, may have resembled a human.
The happy law enforcement officer smirked at my wife, took a picture for his scrap-book or mug shot catalogue, and then quietly drove off. No sirens
It was a happy ending to a crime filled morning for my rebel wife. She was shaken and stir-crazy after that experience. She still demanded that I came home to save the damsel in distress, but I had to save the World at work … or so I think.
A few days after this ordeal, the missus went for a stroll in the jungle again, in her combat high heels and new hunting dog (10 week old labrador), only to twist her ankle as she stepped into a groundhog tunnel, slipped, landed on the puppy who peed on itself out of fear.
I think it’s fair to state that her days of exploring are numbered. The Disney forest we live in is not a place for a city girl. She pretends to be the female version of Grylls, but it’s more like Miss Congeniality in the Jungle. One day we can go trekking – trekking in the nearest super mall jungle.
Wish me luck as I’ll be the one who gets lost!