I’m a killer

Posted on June 15, 2013 by Judgebrix

I love fresh food!

Yes, most food made at home is fresh, but I mean using top quality ingredients from the seafood place, butcher, farmer and bakery.  And today was one of those meal days.

There’s nothing like a good and fresh seafood dish on a nice warm summer evening, so for this special meal I purchased fresh lobster, and this sucker was swimming/hovering in the tank behind the counter.  As the guy dropped his hand into the cold water all the lobsters started to scatter, but there were no place to hide.

For the short drive home I placed the live animal in the passenger seat of the El Camino, which was fairly creepy.  I could hear and see the little dude gently move around, probably confused as to where he was going.

I placed the bag on the kitchen counter and ask the kids to come.  When they were neatly lined up around me I opened the bag.  The initial reaction was silence, then absolute horror and screaming.  It didn’t help when I asked if they wanted to pet it!

sebastian

Meet Sebastian!

The oldest quickly asked if this was a new pet, but as I told it was dinner her face turned slightly skewed.  Then she asked how I was going to cook it and I told her throw it into boiling water.  Then she started to scream again.

The South American flower (my lovely wife) simply refused to even look at the lobster.  She loves lobster, but has obviously no interest in knowing the source of the food personally.  She screamed and ran into the living room.

I placed the largest put on the stove and started the boiling process.  Meanwhile the lobster, now known as Sebastian, was sitting calmly on the cutting board.  Somehow I don’t he really understood was what about to happen.

When the water started to boil, I started ‘Highway to Hell’ song on the stereo while shouting ‘dead lobster crawling’, and slowly lifted Sebastian over the boiling water.

I swear he was looking at me, begging for his life.  As I slowly started to dump him into the boiling water, he attempted to grab for the sides of the pot saving his life.  I too was feeling weird about this and was starting to have second thoughts.

  • Was boiling him really such a good idea?
  • How much pain would he feel?
  • How big of a tank would I need to keep him as a pet?
  • Would I have enough money to free all the lobsters?
  • How long would he need to be submerged, before he passed over to reef heaven?

Anyway, I dumped the sucker into the boiling water and held him down with my wooden spoon for a few minutes and then placed the lid over him.

Ave Maria and God Bless mate!

10 minutes later Sebastian had departed this evil kitchen, where we had just outplayed the unhappy alternative ending from the frantic kitchen battle in “The Little Mermaid”.

This time Sebastian was ending up in a nice white wine sauce, soaked with a few garlic gloves, peppers, mushrooms and olive oil, served with a nice portion of pasta.  Bon Appetite!

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Hornless Bull

Posted on June 14, 2013 by Judgebrix

I managed to get my hands on some fairly cheap tickets to watch American soccer being played live and not part of FIFA ’13 or some other made-up special effects video.  It’s easy to be somewhat sceptical about the quality of soccer played in a country that mainly focuses on basketball, ice hockey, American football and baseball, but I had my hopes up high when the likes of Tierry Henry and David Beckham moved to the US to promote and improve soccer further within the US.

Many people don’t like David Beckham and believe he’s rubbish at playing soccer, but I believe he’s one of the best players we’ve seen in modern soccer history.  Tierry Henry had a fantastic career at Arsenal and moving to the US could only be promising … and he joined the New York Red Bulls.RB fan

My daughter and I left for the game early as we had been told that there would be plenty of pre-game activities – and also to avoid traffic in the area + getting a decent parking spot.

Little did we know that the majority of these pre-game activities were for the adult kids and most of them involved consuming quantities of Bud Light while playing Playstation soccer (probably FIFA).  I decided my daughter was too young to introduce to any kind of alcohol related games and I didn’t really trust her to drive home either.  Remember, she’s only nine years old!

They of course had a souvenir shop where the wannabe and hardcore fans could buy the latest gear, scarfs, keyrings, hats … anything that could fit the logo on to it could be bought.  Just to entice the shoppers, they had hired some young (and attractive) ladies, who managed to sell even the strangest gear to oversized (bellies) men.  Just as an FYI, the official Red Bulls shirt costs $97.50 excl. tax!

Like for any sport event, the first thing that needs to be done is getting a greasy meal normally consisting of deep fried food, cheese burgers, fries and/or chicken.  The selection and quality of food was top class; tacos, burgers, pizza, ice creams, hot dogs and a large variety of beverages.  It was fast food heaven! Much better than the grub you can buy at Yankee Stadium.

arenaThe Red Bulls Arena is built in the middle of what looks like badlands, and is surrounded buy old industrial warehouses and the backside of Newark/Harrison.  But, it was a very nice stadium.

We ate the food and found our seats.  I was prepared to have seats closer to the sun than to the pitch, but was happily surprised that we could actually see pitch and the players.

Initially it was pretty empty, but as we got closer to kick-off, the place got more packed.  Packed is probably a little exaggerated.  It was more like 2/3 full; 97.7% supporting the Red Bulls and the remaining 0.3% supporting the travelling team Vancouver.  The remaining 2% were there just to get drunk.

On a high note, I got to see Thierry Henry play.  He had lost a fair bit of his magic with the ball.  In fact, I’m not sure he actually contributed much to the actual game, other than give out to the ref at times.

Game quality?  Well, if you are familiar with the British Premier league, then you would understand when I say that the quality and skills of both teams were slightly below average.  Most Championship teams in the UK would be able to play more elegant and high quality football, and they would probably beat either of the teams with some ease.

Hopefully both teams had an off day as there were few moments that were exciting.  Most passes, attempts at goal, tactics and reading the game appeared to have been left in the dressing rooms.

goat

Less horns than a goat

However, it was a great atmosphere and I love watching soccer live.  I still got into the game somewhat, and was disappointed that Red Bulls lost 1-2 to the away team, and that they had a player sent off.

I was utterly impressed with the organisation of the area and how the local police routed cars to/from the stadium, meaning we didn’t spend silly hours queuing to get home.  The place was clean, excellent service and excellent facilities.

I would go back to watch more Red Bulls games purely for the entertainment and atmosphere.  It was great value for money, if you discount the $40 I paid for two drinks, chicken fingers and a cheese burger.  It’s kids friendly and safe.

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Speed in the Jungle

Posted on June 10, 2013 by Judgebrix

During our adventures to Costa Rica back in 2008, we visited a fantastic place called the Buena Vista Lodge.  I’ll tell you more about in another blog.

The main reason for this short post is simply because we just saw a travel program who shared some clips from the amazing (and ridiculously dangerous) water slide that cut through the jungle.  Apparently it’s one of the longest outdoor water slides and it spans an amazing 400+ meters – which in US terms is around 1200 feet +/-.  Just imagine riding a water slide the same length as the Empire State building!

Here’s a little teaser for what the slide looks like.  The entire family tried the slide, which  in hind side was an incredible stupid idea, but we were told by many people at the hotel and the lodge that it was perfectly safe … even for the kids.  BUT, it’s not!

You can reach speeds of up 40mph.  There are no side guards to prevent you go over the side of the slide.  You have to keep arms tight to the body – prepare for the cold water as they open the hatch to start the ride – oh, and prepare to scream, not matter if you want to or not!

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Caught in the Act 4 – park ‘n pay

Posted on June 7, 2013 by Judgebrix

It’s not that we are some sort of criminal gang, but we do have some run-ins with law.  Most of the time has been for fairly minor offences and has been because we mightn’t have read all the signs accurately …  or in one case missed a sign entirely.

Last weekend we went to a nearby village to buy a bicycle for the little trouble-maker.  Not too sure why we even bother as we’ll probably regret giving her that level of freedom and I’m actually worried how many different ways she can escape using a bike.

NoParkingHowever, we parked the oversized family bus outside the bike shop and started looking around, as well as dragging the little one-off the various shelves and putting back all the bike accessories she could gather in a few minutes.

It actually didn’t take that long to find the perfect bike for and we headed back to the van-truck-bus-tank vehicle.

I gently placed the bike in the boot, closed the hatch and jumped up onto the driver’s seat.  The beast jumped into action as I turned the key and I prepared to reverse out when I suddenly spotted a piece of paper in the windshield strategically placed underneath the wiper.  It was either one of two things; some silly commercial (ad) leaflet or a parking ticket.  Of course it was the latter!

This is where I blame my eyes and my co-pilot.  I swear the sign was stating that parking was free on Saturdays and that the parking meter was blinking red, and that normally indicates that the meter has expired or that no parking fee required.  Again I chose unwisely!

The sign said free parking Sundays and the meter was blinking because it has expired!  To make matters worse, I was 4 minutes over parked.

I’m a law-abiding citizen and decided to pay the ticket today.  It wasn’t a huge amount, only $20, but I could’ve saved $19.75 by just inserting a silly little quarter.

Interestingly enough the parking ticket stated that I had to pay $19, so where did the last $1 come from?

Screen Shot 2013-06-06 at 17.05.25Apparently an extra charge is added when you pay your parking ticket called ‘convenience fee’, and is basically a fee to pay for the automated traffic system.  One way or another, they manage to get all the extra charges added without the consumer having a chance to even dispute them.

But, I paid the ticket and convenience fee because I’m a law-abiding citizen.  It just wouldn’t be worth arguing about $1 or would it?

Lessons learned?  Open my eyes and read the signs.  Check the meter and ask your co-pilot to look out for signs too.

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Poop in the Wild

Posted on June 2, 2013 by Judgebrix

It is official. Our smallest (youngest) adventurer is a tiny version of Bear Grylls.

Our youngest kid is only 3 years old and left her diapers behind several months ago.  There wasn’t much of a ceremony about this major milestone, but I was obviously a very proud dad when this happened, especially as she left them behind at the age of around 18 months.  Not to mention, removing diapers from the weekly shopping list certainly improves our family budget further.

iPottyI do believe that one of the triggers for her getting toilet trained quicker was because she saw her siblings going to the toilet, and she being the smallest wanted to be as cool as the older kids.

Another huge factor in this transition was that she suddenly developed a nasty case of nappy rash.  We’ve always used Pampers while living in Ireland, but for some reason her tiny toosh became red as a strawberry so it was clear it was something in the chemicals they had added to Pampers in the US.  To be fair, that was the biggest reason for her to move off the diapers … nappy rash, itching and pain or smooth bottom with no discomfort?

Now, back to the main story.

A few weeks ago, when the sun appeared and the days were growing lighter, she (the tiniest version of my wife) was playing outside.  She was too busy going to the toilet, but she realized that she had to go.  But, to avoid missing out on any hard core playtime, she had to come up with an alternative.

What would Bear Grylls do?

You could tell she was up to something.  She was scouting a number of places trying to find the best area where she would have full privacy and also an area where she could easily bury her ‘package’.

These locations are fairly limited on a 10 x 20 foot decking, partially occupied by a outdoor dinning table + chairs, and not to mention the huge plastic playhouse.

The obvious choice would have been in the playhouse, but she chose something a little less obvious and different.  A couple of yellow square cones came with the playhouse, primarily used as chairs.  These items are hallow and could be filled with toys, balls, etc.

thumbsWe were focused on preparing the dinner when we suddenly spotted the littlest one sitting on the yellow plastic cone.  She was extremely concentrated, but did manage to give us a smile and a wave.  I swear it looked like thumbs up sign.

She had made up her own toilet by flipping the yellow cone on it’s head (seat) and had started #2.  When you gotta go you gotta go!?

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Lady and Lords of the Realm

Posted on May 31, 2013 by Judgebrix

It was a normal Sunday afternoon in the tranquility of Northern New Jersey.  The sun was baking my pale shoulders turning them into human lobster colored shields, my maiden was beside me and the kids were screaming their lungs out “WHITE – BLACK – KILL!“.

See, that sentence could easily be taken fully out of context and used against me in a court of law, so I’d better explain the background to that statement.  And, it’s not taken out of the Hunger Games either, which is a modern version of Lord of the Flies.

The story starts a few weeks back.  I wanted to do something a little different and special for our kids for the upcoming Memorial Day weekend.  We normally go for a drive in the weekends, visits Connecticut, goes to the zoo or grocery shopping.  Or, we end up staying at the house because the weather has turned against humanity and the next flood has started … oh wait, I no longer live in Ireland!  But the rain come down in American-sized raindrops (huge) when it does, rain soaking everything within seconds.

MTcastleI had long been looking for something different and fun to do, for the entire family, and had several times come across ‘Medieval Times‘; knights, horses, princesses, cheering and eating with your hands.  It was an easy choice and I booked tickets for the entire gang.

As we pulled into the ‘Medieval Times‘ castle (literally) it was clear that this was not a small event.  The parking lot was full already, but I still managed to squeeze the Suburban into a free space between a pillar and a Porsche.

It was pretty clear that the owner of the Porsche, still sitting in his car, was extremely worried when he saw my tank pull in next to him, as he obviously feared that the kids would fling open the doors and hit his precious.

In fairness, that is one of my greatest fears too, that some day the kids are kicking open the door only to place a huge dent on the Maserati parked next to us.  We’ve enabled child-locks for that reason alone … and because the kids are playing with the doors when driving!

Anyway, we made it to the entrance with no incidents and checked in with the friendly squire wearing brand new sneakers.  We were assigned to table 5 and our knight was the Black ‘n White knight.  To make sure we showed our allegiance, we were given paper crowns to wear that were decorated with the knight’s colours.

Shortly after arriving we were called to our table and waddled along with the 300 other people attending the festivities.

The seating arrangements was based on benches, with absolutely no room for a high chair, and metal plates + cups were placed in front of each seat.  Each seat was facing the arena, where the battles would take place.

Medieval-Times-KnightsSuddenly the lights were dimmed and the show began.  The king and princess arrived, followed by the knights and their squires.  The main aim of the evenings activities was that the knights were divided into two teams and they had to battle each other – all while the patrons were cheering for their colours, eating, drinking and spitting.

MTmeal2The food was surprisingly good and consisted of well made ribs, half a chicken, tomato soup, garlic bread and a pastry for desert.  Only trick was, you had to eat all the food with your hands.  Cutlery was nowhere to be seen.  The kids loved it and dug in with both hands and the faces were covered in juices from the meats within seconds.  It was like watching some feeding frenzy I had never experienced before, seeing our kids ripping the flesh of the bones.

MTbattle

Swords were colliding with sparks flying and the crowd went bananas.  Lances shattered as the knights rode towards each other on horseback, attempting to knock each other off.  The battle continued on foot using a variety of medieval weapons (morning star, battle axes, swords and clubs) ending in one of the knights being “killed”.  They all had one objective, fighting for the damsel in distress and winning her hand.

After 2 hours of full-on show, the winning knight was awarded his price, much to the fanatic cheers of the black ‘n white supporters as it was our knight who won.  The kids went bonkers again, standing on the chairs screaming for more.

I was honestly starting to worry about bringing them home again, especially because my youngest (3-year-old female viking) wanted to see what weapons she could get in the gift shop.  For the first 12 minutes of the car journey home, the kids were reenacting the battle cries, but they were all of a sudden overwhelmed with tiredness and dozed off.

Was it good?  Would I recommend it to you?  Abso-bloody-lutely!

It was an amazing afternoon for the family.  We had so much fun, the food was great and entertainment was top class.

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The Peak of Corniness

Posted on May 20, 2013 by Judgebrix 
Corny = When someone or something tries to be cool,
but is ultimately very uncool and often even extremely
embarrassing (source; Internet urban dictionary).

eurovisionThat pretty much sums up an annual event that takes place within the continent of Europe also known as Eurovision.  Not many people outside Europe knows of its existence and most people within Europe (or with strong European roots and connections) often talk about it with great embarrassment.

The competition started back in 1956 with only 7 countries participating, and each participant had to sing a homegrown song in their native language.  It was a live broadcast on TV where each song was judged at the end of the show.

Over the next few decades the amount of participants tripled and the show spread like wildfire in Western Europe; Iceland to Israel and France to Greece.  It almost became a European championship in corny songs, interesting hair, more interesting dresses and multi-hour live broadcasts.

Since the late 90′s, when Eastern Europe opened up, many of these countries joined this awesome competition and devised their own corny songs … some take this to the next level of corniness and some attempt to dress as skimpy as possible.  Everything goes!

danesI remember growing up in rural Denmark and families huddling around the only television we had to see the entire Eurovision.  We even had friends coming over for Eurovision dinner and drinks, and then festivities followed in front of the TV.

My sister and I, and the other kids there, had a blast.  We kept score on homemade charts, ate sweets, drank soda and eventually fell asleep on the floor in front of the TV, of course missing the grand finale.

Back then, each country had to sing their song in their local language, which made it even funnier, but today (since 1999) a country can decide to sing in English if they want.  And, most chose to do so.  I guess they don’t realise how funny the lyrics sounds in English, after they just do a word-by-word translation.

These days most people I know are, when we talk about Eurovision, objecting to the fact that it should even exist and some even denounce the artists that participates or represents their country.  There’s almost a sense of embarrassment in even knowing much about Eurovision.

BUT, funnily enough, everybody seems to know when the Eurovision is on, who won last year and by how many points, give out about last year’s results, slagging of Eastern Europe for voting only for eastern European countries (keeping up the old political allies), only to ignore that Western Europe have the same voting system.

On the day and eve of the grand event, secret plans are being hatched in most houses across Europe, and people gather for lavish parties – all with the same theme –> EUROVISION has arrived.

We sit happily through 3-4 hours of horrific dances, strange songs, stranger hosts and prolonged voting.  To this day, the votes are still said in both English and French.  I guess the old colonial powers of Europe still rule Eurovision.  Each country votes and the country with the most votes obviously wins – simple!

Denmark, one of the smallest countries in Europe and not necessarily known for it’s fantastic music skills on the World stage, managed to win in 1963.  We had to wait 37 years for another win and we got our third win this year (2013).

  • In 2000 I witnessed Danish Eurovision history being made from a shitty apartment in Dublin city, the capital of Eurovision winners.
  • In 2013 I witnessed Danish Eurovision history being made again, this time from a nice house in New Jersey, and a country completely unaware of this bizarre music event.

Although I might not necessarily admit it publicly, there’s something special about winning the Eurovision.  The ability to beat 39 countries to the top, even if the song is corny and perhaps not achieving U2‘s levels, is phenomenal.

Why the innocent reader might ask?

Eurovision 2013To start with, this is a multi-million Euro industry and the country that hosts this event can expect to profit immensely most of the year.  That means Denmark should see an increase in tourism in 2014, again benefiting the local economy.

I guess it’s just part of being proud of the country you are from.  I left Denmark many years ago, but that doesn’t make me less Danish.  I super proud of my heritage.  On the World map we are small and insignificant, not much bigger than a finger nail, so when we achieve something amazing, then this becomes 10 times as fantastic for me.

If my friends ask, then I don’t watch Eurovision, just like they don’t watch it either :-)

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If You Gotta Go

Posted on May 15, 2013 by Judgebrix

Parents beware, sarcasm and black humor may backfire when testing such phrases on your kids.  These might be considered innocent jokes, but your kids might not necessarily pick up on the minor subtleties and nuances in your comments.  I speak from experience, based on something that happened to me a few days ago.

MadagascarLast week we decided to go on a fairly impulsive road-trip to visit Connecticut.  There were no other reason to go there other than they did it in Madagascar.  The closest to a plan was to visit one of the coastal towns and walk along the pier, while eating ice cream of course.

We punched in Greenwich (CT) into the GPS and started off the road-trip   According to the friendly GPS voice, the overall journey was just under an hour.  Not bad, but everybody were still forced to visit the toilet before departing.  From previous trips, kids tend to forget to go before we head off and we are forced to stop within 20 minutes of leaving the house.

So, with the bodies drained for various fluids and other solids, we left for Connecticut.

We had no incidents on the way and we made good time across New Jersey, New York and Connecticut states.

First stop in CT was Greenwich, looking at boats from the car and we continued to Stamford where we did some book shopping in Barnes & Noble, followed by a lovely ice cream pit-stop.

As per usual routines, we did our bathroom visits before heading back home, and there were smiles all around which normally indicates that we are good to go.

mianusAbout halfway home, I spotted a village/city that I absolutely had to visit – Mianus.  It’s amazing how many jokes can be made about this name and I still wonder why anybody would even consider this as a name for a village/city.

I believe Jackass already milked this by having parts of an episode dedicated to Mianus.

Anyway, we drove through the country side to find the city sign for Mianus, but failed.  instead, our daughter started to ask for how minutes until we would be home.

At that point, the alarm bells should have started to sound in my head, but I was more concerned about Mianus!  Excuse the punt.

Shortly after leaving the suburbs of Mianus, my daughter asked again when we would be home.  Again I failed to understand the urgency and calmly replied to her “about 20-25 minutes and if you have to pee do it in a cup”.

Silence followed.  In fact, it was very quiet for the next 10-12 minutes and suddenly my daughter’s face appeared in the rear-view mirror.  She was smiling from ear to ear, so my parent instincts told me that she was up to something.

I calmly asked what she was happy for to which she replied “I did it!”.  Suddenly my mind started spinning and I was fearing that I had sparked some strange reaction with my previous comment.  My fears were about to come through.

pee bottleMy daughter shouted, while laughing, “I peed in the bottle!”.  How was this actually possible without getting pee on the seat, clothes or floors?  Not that I’m trying to reenact the incident and I was still a little dubious as to the validity of her claims.

BUT, then she raised a bottle, shaking the yellow-ish content and exclaimed that it was still warm and had a funny smell.

Now, the trick is not to burst out laughing or yelling as this might have a somewhat negative impact on future behaviors and laughing would just encourage the other two kids to copy their older sister.

As we pulled into the driveway we quickly assessed the claims and can confirm that she indeed did pee in a bottle.  I had to clean the carpet slightly, but no other damage (wet spots) were found in the car.

Afterwards we all laughed about it and I learned not to joke about these things with the kids, as they might just take me up on it – literally!

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Shower rituals – for men

Posted on May 11, 2013 by Judgebrix

I originally found this somewhere on the net, just in Danish, and took the liberty of translating it and made a few minor updates.

showermenThe first post (this one) explores the female behaviors in this at times complex showering ritual.

The second post (this one) explores the less complex showering behaviors of a man.

Let me be clear, this post is obviously intended to be humorous, but it 100% accurately reflects all men’s shower routines.

Read this as if you are the man;

  1. You rip off your clothes and throw it randomly on the floor
  2. You walk calmly to the bathroom, and if you meet your partner along the way, you proudly swing the torpedo and make animal noises
  3. You look into the mirror while sucking in your stomach and holding your breath – all while examining the size of the torpedo, scratching your sack and smell your fingers afterwards
  4. You step into the shower
  5. You don’t borther looking for the washing cloth, as you don’t use it anyway!
  6. You wash your face with some suspicious looking piece of soap
  7. You fart and burst into uncontrollable laughter because the fart sounds cool in the echo of the bathroom
  8. You calm down again, only to burst into laughter again as the smell reaches your nostrils
  9. You wash the family jewels
  10. You wash the crack with the suspicious soap, which might leave a few loose hairs stuck to the soap bar
  11. You wash your hair with a no-brand shampoo … but it smells nice … and couldn’t care less about conditioner
  12. You shave your face using a Gilette shaver and the suspicious soap
  13. You pee in the shower
  14. You brush your teeth and spit the foam into the shower drain
  15. You rinse the soap off your body and hair, step out of the shower unit, not even noticing that the entire bathroom is wet … you had forgotten to close the shower curtain!
  16. You find a towel, smell it and use it
  17. You look into the mirror again, judge the size of your muscles and your torpedo
  18. You leave the bathroom without turning off both the light and the immersion fan
  19. You walk back to the bedroom.  If you meet your partner along the way, you proudly swing the torpedo and make animal noises
  20. You drop the wet towel on the bed and get dressed within 60 seconds

The point of the story; men spend as little time as possible when taking a shower.  It doesn’t matter which soap brand or herbs they use for, as long as we get clean-ish.  The shower is one of the only places where we display the ability to multitask; wash hair, pee, shave and brush teeth all at the same time.

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Shower rituals – female version

Posted on May 9, 2013 by Judgebrix

I originally found this somewhere on the net, just in Danish, and took the liberty of translating it and made a few minor updates.

showerThe first post (this one) explores the female behaviors in this at times complex showering ritual.  Let me be clear, this post is obviously intended to be humorous and is not 100% accurate and does not reflect all women’s shower routines.

Read this as if you are the woman;

  1. You take off your clothes and calmly places the clothes in the dirty laundry bin; split into colored and white piles.
  2. You put on the bathing rope and make your way to the bathroom.  If you, on the way to the bathroom, bump into your partner, then you quickly cover yourself and change into a running pace.
  3. In the bathroom, you move in front of the mirror and explorer your body.  You let your stomach area relax, only to give out how fat you are!
  4. You go into the shower.  You reach out to get the washcloth for your face, your, arms, your legs and the bag; and the file for the hardened skin underneath your feet.
  5. You start washing your hair with shampoo containing avocado, honey and 83 different vitamins.
  6. You rinse your hair
  7. You wash your hair again with shampoo containing avocado, honey and 83 different vitamins.
  8. You rinse your hair again
  9. You put conditioner in your hair, the one with avocado and honey, and leave it there for 15 minutes.
  10. You wash your face for 10 minutes, the one that contains pear, until your face is as red as a boiled lobster.
  11. Then you wash the rest of your body with soap that contains nuts and raspberry.
  12. Next, you rinse the conditioner out of your hair, which takes 10 minutes – you want to be absolutely certain that the conditioner is rinsed out
  13. You gently shave your armpits and legs, but decide to use an epilator for the bikini line.
  14. You scream when your partner turns off the hot water – for fun of course
  15. You turn off the water
  16. You shake gently your body, while inside the shower unit, to remove excessive water
  17. You step out of the shower and use a towel the size of Africa
  18. A smaller towel, the size of central Europe, is wrapped around your head
  19. You carefully examine your body for small hairs, sits and spot … and attack these with your fingers or tweezers.
  20. You make your way back to the bedroom, using the bathrobe.  If you, on the way to the bathroom, bump into your partner, then you quickly cover yourself and change into a running pace.
  21. You then spend the next 45 minutes on getting dressed, 14 minutes on putting on lotion all over your body, a further 8 minutes on drying your hair and finally 12 minutes on putting on make-up

The point of the story; women spend an awful long time when taking a shower and getting ready.  It shows great attention to detail and their well being.  And, this only deals with the daily routines and not when women are going out.

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