I’m Not Tiger Woods!

I’m no Tiger Woods when it comes to playing golf although my wife is Swedish. However I do enjoy playing the odd round of golf or hitting 100 balls as far as possible on the driving range.  I haven’t even been able to beat Tiger on the Playstation or any of the other preloaded amateur characters in the game.  Playing the game for real is much more fun.

A few times a year, I meet up with a very good mate of mine and we play 18 holes at the local golf club.  I also get invited out by some vendors to participate in their PR event where they try to convince me that their products are superior.  The latter events often include spot prizes, sponsor gifts, free food and drink. Would you turn this down?

Despite having fun with mates and vendors, it would be nice to play with your family, either kids or wife, just for fun and for spending time together.  My wife has expressed an interest in trying golf, but never dared to join me at the local driving range.

So, failing to persuading my wife to take up my hobby, I’ve decided to drag the kids along.  Well, I first had to lure them into the idea of playing golf, slowly introducing them to the sport.  That’s the great part of being a parent. The young mind of a child can be manipulated to think that golf is SOOOOO cool.

In 2008 while spending two fantastic weeks in Costa Rica, I hooked my then 4 year old daughter with the golf pro in the hotel resort.  She spent about an hour hitting the balls and getting a feel for the swing.  Doesn’t matter that the ball never went further than 3 feet.  The seed was planted.

To get her more involved, I got her a small golf set that fits her perfectly.

We’ve been going out to the driving range several times, just the two of us, spending an hour together – while hitting 100 balls.  She still thinks it’s a competition where the person who shoots all the balls out first wins.  It doesn’t matter how the balls depart the driving area, as long as the pile is gone.  This means I now have to control the pile of balls, otherwise the balls are gone in 9 seconds.

Last year, we brought my son along to a golf session, just to get him interested too.

The seed was apparently already there, as he quickly grabbed an iron and started to slaughter the balls.  He initially had no concept of what he was meant to do, other than punish the golf balls – any golf ball.

He would literally walk around the driving range and hit any ball on his path.

I calmly approached him and brought him back to the tee off area, and showed him how to swing the club.  He got it.  But, as soon as I let him go solo again, the vicious hacking of golf balls continued.  Arms all the way in the air, with the club, and then forced into the golf ball – much like a ninja using a sword.

There’s always minor accidents when doing sports with kids, but it normally means that only the kids are crying / getting injured.

As my son was swinging and killing the golf balls, he managed to hit one ball as he was swinging the club back.  As a result, one rogue ball came flying with lightning speed towards me and hit me straight in the family jewels.  It was a standard reaction from any male being hit in the natts, so I dropped to my knees and let out a roar.  Well, it was more a high pitch noise.  The pain brought out tears in my eyes.

Unaware of his actions, my son continued slashing the golf balls and another rogue ball hit our car – thankfully not the BMW parked next to ours.

I fought off the pain, stood up and limped over to my son to stop him doing further damage.

We packed up the gear and got into the car. It just took a few minutes to focus again.  The pain was still lingering and reinforced whenever I used any muscles close to the affected region; accelerating is one of these actions.

We haven’t been out for a few months, mainly due to bad weather, but the above incident is not going to discourage us.

Every time I go out golfing, with mates, my daughter always gets upset.  It’s not fair that she can’t participate, but I’m sure the golf clubs have enough bunkers and there’s only two seats in the golf carts.

Playing golf with the kids can certainly be recommended.  Well, any activity involving your kids is great.  It gives you an opportunity to bond with the little dudes and have fun.  The kids really love spending time with you, so make it fun.

And more, I can’t wait for the kids to get bigger, so I can play golf with them too.  But, I’ll be wearing proper protection for rogue golf balls going forward.  I didn’t realise golf was a deadly sport.

About Judgebrix

Author and creator of the Judgebrix phenomenon.
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